Confirming whether a diet is on the FDA approved list demands week-to-week monitoring, and that can be another pain in the waistline and butt. The diet consists of taking secret-formula pills every day that rev up the metabolism, bloat your stomach before meals so you aren’t hungry, and, of course, provide “essential additional nutrients,” whatever those may be. All we had to do was tear open a bag of freeze-dried puffy Fruit Loop looking stuff, pour water on it, and viola, it swelled up like a toad and tasted a lot an old musty feather pillow. The retiree’s diet begins with whichever meal you choose for the first one, which is the only stressful part of the program, because you’ll need to make that decision for yourself. If you believe you can handle this, you’re on your way to a lifetime of nutritional nirvana, and the cost is whatever you choose to spend at the store of your choosing.

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